10 tips for safer & Smarter sex

It is always smart to talk about sex with your partner, a peer educator or a healthcare professional before you make the decision to have sex. While sexual intercourse always involves some risk of pregnancy or sexually transmitted disease, there are definitely ways of making your sexual experiences safer. Here are 10 simple things you can do, say and think about now before you have sex:

Who's "Covering Up" Under the Covers?: Smarter Sex Survey reports that 48 percent of students say they used condoms when they had intercourse in the last year. Click here for more survey results.

1. Talk smart sex first. Have smart sex later. STIs and unintended pregnancies affect both partners, not just one person. If you feel uncomfortable discussing sex and birth control with your partner, then you shouldn't be having sex! Be straightforward and talk about sex beforehand so both partners know what to expect. It's easier to be rational and reasonable before you're in the "heat of the moment!"

2. Two are better than one! To help prevent both pregnancy and STIs, you should correctly and consistently use a birth control method like the Pill, Depo-Provera Contraceptive Injection or diaphragm (for pregnancy prevention) and a condom (to prevent STIs). Condom use is essential, especially in relationships that are not monogamous. If your partner says no to contraceptives that may prevent STIs, like condoms, it's probably time to rethink your relationship. Nothing is worth the potential lifetime consequences of a few minutes of unprotected fun.

3. Don't feel pressured to have sex. Or have sex out of fear - fear of hurting someone's feelings by saying no or fear of being the "only one" who isn't doing it. Virtually everyone wants to fit in with his or her friends, but you should never compromise your values to be "part of the crowd." If you don't want to have sex, be honest, discuss the reasons behind your decision with your partner and stay true to you.

4. Don't abuse alcohol/use drugs if you think things could get physical. Drug use or alcohol abuse interferes with decision-making, which can lead to date rape, forgetting to use contraceptives or contracting an STI. The lowering of inhibitions that often accompanies alcohol use might make you think you'll enjoy sex more, but in fact, for a variety of biochemical reasons, too much alcohol actually makes sex less enjoyable for both men and women.

5. Use the buddy system. If you go to a party or a bar, go with friends and keep an eye out for each other. Agree that you won't leave with another person without telling someone. Sometimes a friend's "second opinion" could help prevent you from making decisions that you might regret later.

6. Remember that "no" means NO and passed out doesn't mean YES. Being drunk isn't a defense for committing sexual assault or a reason for being a victim of sexual assault. If you are too drunk to understand a person trying to say no; if you are too drunk to listen and respect a person saying no; or if you have sex with somebody who is passed out or incapable of giving consent, it can be considered rape. Click here to read about how men and women can avoid the consequences of date rape.

7. Respect everyone's right to make his/her own personal decision - including yourself. There is no imaginary "deadline," no ideal age, no perfect point in a relationship where sex has to happen. If your partner tells you that he or she is not ready to have sex, respect his/her decision, be supportive and discuss the reasons behind it. It is everyone's ultimate right to decide when and how they have sex - be it the first time or the tenth time.

8. Be prepared for a sex emergency. Consider carrying two condoms with you just in case one breaks or tears while it's being put on. Both men and women are equally responsible for preventing STIs, using contraceptives and both should carry condoms. Sometimes things go wrong even when you try to do everything right. Maybe the condom broke or you forgot to take your birth control pill. Whatever the reason, women should know about emergency contraception or EC. Taken within 72 hours of intercourse, EC may prevent pregnancy. Click here for more information about EC.

9. The best protection doesn't mean less affection. Abstinence is actually the most effective way to protect against STIs and prevent pregnancy. But practicing abstinence doesn't mean you can't have an intimate physical relationship with someone - it just means you don't have vaginal or anal intercourse. There are many other ways to be intimate and not have intercourse - just be aware that alternatives, like oral sex, carry their own risks. Click here to read more about practicing abstinence and risks of oral sex.

10. Make sexual health a priority. Whether you are having sex or not, both men and women need to have regular check-ups to make sure they are sexually healthy. Women should have annual gynecological exams. In fact, most campus doctors book months in advance - make your appointment today!(source : smartersex.org)

Your Orgasm — Guaranteed!

When it's a mind-blowing, bed-rattling orgasm you're after, keeping it simple is absolutely key. Sure, wild, crazy, never-knew-my-body-could-bend-that-way booty keeps your lust life exciting, but if the goal of the moment is to break pleasure records, you have to stick to the basics. "Trying to accomplish complicated acrobatics distracts you from the sex itself, putting your focus on how you can contort yourself, rather than on just experiencing the sensations," explains sex educator Dorian Solot, coauthor of I (Heart) Female Orgasm. "When you want to climax, the simplest positions are often also the best positions, and with a few modifications, you can make them even more orgasm inducing than they already are." Don't worry, we'd never leave you hanging. Here, Cosmo custom-designed some of the carnal classics to make sure you always hit the high notes.

The Slow Climb


You'll never see missionary position the same way again. "While on your back, put a pillow under your butt, lift your hips, and bring your legs up and back toward your shoulders, as though you're folding in half," says Solot. This move allows him better ease of thrusting and deeper penetration — a perk for both of you. Plus, it can stimulate your G-spot. But consider this a warm-up — you're getting the zone primed for a more intense orgasm. Once your G-spot feels sufficiently stroked, put your legs down and have him get into coital-alignment-technique (CAT) position. "He's on top, but he lifts his pelvic bone upward, aligning it with your clitoris," says sex therapist Gloria Brame, PhD. "Then he rocks against the area until you peak." "The legs-up position is a slow burn that brings you to the brink and increases sensitivity. Then the addition of clitoral rubbing takes you over the edge in a bigger way than if you had done CAT alone," adds Brame.

The dwon dog
You've probably tried an all-fours pose before (at least, we hope you have!). But while mentally the doggie-style position has great bad-girl benefits, in order to make it actually orgasmic, you need to modify it a bit. "Lie on your stomach, lifting your butt slightly so he can enter you," suggests Solot. "Your partner can prop himself up with his hands in a push-up position or lie on top of you." Not only does this facedown configuration provide increased friction as he moves in and out, but you can gently grind your clitoral area against the bed as well.

69 Tips for the Brave!

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Sex Guide - The G - Spot

The G-spot

The G spot is one of the high spots of many a love-making experience. It was discovered in 1950 but unlike most newly-discovered areas, this one wasn't found by your typical beardy explorer with gangrene and frostbite.

Gynaecologist Ernst Grafenberg is the chap: he found a highly erogenous zone inside the vagina that gets bigger when directly stimulated. This discovery caused quite a sensation, as you can imagine, but his revelation was doubted for quite some time.

The male G spot is the prostate gland (more of that later) but the female one is still under debate by many and not all ladies seem to have one. However, it's worth looking for so read on...

Ladies, you can look for it yourself or have someone look for you – either way the first stimulation of the G-spot can be quite uncomfortable. Empty your bladder first and try to relax into the sensation as the feeling should pass. And make sure your vagina is well lubricated.

The easiest position to find your G-spot yourself is to squat on the loo. Insert your finger into your vagina, curving it towards your navel. Feeling around should cause the G-spot to swell and make it easier to pinpoint. The considered view states that it is around the size of a large pea (not the large pee you had just beforehand).

Now it's time for someone else to have a go: lie down on your back, knees bent and have a small pillow under your buttocks. The rest of it's pretty much the same as above – make sure you let your partner know when they've found it.

Stimulating the G-spot can cause ladies to ejaculate a small amount of white or clear fluid and, combined with clitoral stimulation, can prove to be the most satisfying of orgasms. The 'doggy' position is the best for G-spot stimulation as the front wall of the vagina receives more pressure this way.

Gentlemen – yes, you have a G-spot too. It's quite hard for you to find your own what with it being up your rectum but those of you supple and brave enough to try should attempt the following: lie on your back with knees bent and feet on the floor (if this proves unsuccessful, try drawing your knees up to your chest).

Using plenty of lubricant put in your thumb and press it against the front wall of the rectum. However, it's much easier if you get someone to find it for you. Assume the same position and get your partner to insert a lubricated finger, feeling up the front wall of the rectum until they touch something that feels like a walnut.

Bingo! You can now start massaging firmly in a downward direction. Many men claim that G-spot orgasms are more intense and that rather than ejaculating in spurts, they produce a continuous stream.

So there you go: wash your hands, apply some lubricant and away you go. It's always advisable to wash hands again if they have been inside a rectum as you can inadvertently transfer bacteria to other parts of your or their body afterwards. Don't be shy – it's worth a look and could change your sex life!

Sex Guide - Masturbation

Masturbation

Rarely discussed and often practised. 94% of men do it and 80% of women do it – although men do it twice as often as women. These figures drop only slightly after marriage – men at 72% and women at 68%. So there you go – it's all around you.

There's no real need to explain how to do it to yourself nor is there really any need to describe how to do it to your partner – ask them to show you. This can be very erotic, indeed it is the fuel of many a male fantasy, and can shake off many inhibitions.

Start by showing each other one technique that you use on yourself and then give your partner a go. You can use masturbation to bring your partner to climax or take them only part of the way and move on to another activity. It can also be a good way of learning about your own sexual responses – learning how to postpone ejaculation during masturbation, for example, can make men better lovers.

Lubricants can aid masturbation as can dildos – the only limits are your imagination. When you're on your own it allows for the wildest fantasies and when you're with your partner it shows them just how you like to be touched.


source: Durex.com

Sex Guide - Atmosphere

Atmosphere

It is argued by many that ambience plays just as big a part in a love making experience as any other aspect of sex and yet it is often completely overlooked.

The key to creating the right atmosphere is to think about the five senses and try to create an atmosphere that appeals to all of them. Now, obviously if you just fancy a 'quickie' in the back of a Ford Cortina then you're unlikely to care about stimulating the senses but if you do care about the atmosphere in which you're having sex then read on for some great ideas...

Beginning with touch, it is important to make sure that the environment in which you are making love is as aesthetically pleasing as possible. Think about the basics such as bed linen and then use your imagination a little and explore the use of sex toys or touchy-feely stuff like feathers. Also, remember that food such as whipped cream or chocolate sauce can be a very tasty addition to the experience. Finally, if your partner is willing and their pain threshold is pretty high, then take their senses to the extreme using ice or hot candle wax (be very careful).

To appeal to your partner's sense of smell, try burning some scented candles. Just make sure that you don't go overboard and stink the place out or burn it down; you don't want the flames of passion to be interrupted by a fireman's hose. If candles aren't your thing then try flowers instead; they're more subtle but they will help make any room smell nice. Finally, don't forget to make sure that you are smelling your best – try sharing a shower with your partner before making love or just keep it simple and use some deodorant.

Now then, taste – the hardest of the five senses to affect when it comes to making love but while we're on the subject did you know that you can actually change the taste of semen? Well, you can; the trick is to change what you eat and drink before making love. As a general rule, bland foods like pasta and potatoes improve the taste of sperm whereas curry, beer and coffee produce the worst taste. Obviously taste needn't just be about bodily fluids; you can also introduce food and drink into a lovemaking experience. It's unlikely that a cheese and pickle sandwich will do much to turn your partner on but edible underwear or chocolate flavoured body paint may do the trick.

The one sense that everyone is well aware of is sight. Whether it be the sexy underwear, candle light or body image, everyone is very aware of the visual aspect of sex. But, how many of you consider changing the actual place in which you have sex? Well, for a great psychological kick, try changing your location. Try a '69er' in the car, 'doggy style' on your way home from a night out or try the 'wheelbarrow' in the garden (just be careful to avoid the roses!). Alternatively, give the idea some thought and you'll soon realise that there's a world of opportunity outside your bedroom.

The final sense is that of hearing and the obvious way to appeal to this sense is through music. Whether it be the 'walrus of soul' Mr Barry White or the artist formerly known as Prince, almost everyone has a favourite artist that will 'get them in the mood'. The key is to find out what does it for your partner. When your pretty sure you've made the right choice (avoid hard house and heavy metal) put the CD, tape or whatever on loop (you don't want to stop mid session to restart the music). If you don't like music then try talking 'dirty' instead or perhaps even use video pornography if that works for you.

Sex Guide - Fore play

Foreplay

Preparation is key, so be prepared. That's a good lesson for life in general and a vital lesson for sex.

Great sex isn't just penetration – the build-up is a very important part. In fact most women can't reach orgasm without it. Foreplay makes the whole thing last much longer and, to be frank, is really rather good.

If just the thought of sex is enough to get you raring, slow down a bit – your partner may want to take a little more time. Women generally take longer to become sexually aroused than men; the fire needs to be stoked. Try and keep foreplay going until you both just can't wait for penetration.

Foreplay will increase the chances of orgasm for women and will produce a more intense one for men – so there's no reason not to do it really, is there? Those erogenous zones are there for a reason – make the most of them.

There are erogenous zones all over the body, not just in the genitals. Breasts, nipples, the neck, everywhere. Try kissing nibbling, rubbing and stroking your partner all over their body to find the places they like it best. Make sure the setting's right, atmosphere counts for a lot.

The build-up to sex can start hours before you actually get down to it. Call your partner up on the phone at work and start flirting (make sure you get the right number or the results could be disastrous. Then again... no, don't go there), by the end of the day you'll both be dying to leave work. Try a massage when you get home and build up to masturbation and other forms of stimulation.

The main thing is not to leave it out. There's a lot to be said for the 'quickie' and it has its place, but a long, lingering session is far more pleasurable.

Sex Guide - Condoms

Condoms

Love 'em or hate 'em they are a very good idea. Of course we would say that wouldn't we, but it's true all the same. With new technology and thinner, more sensitive condoms you would hardly know you were wearing one; they can even put a bit of spice into your sex life and remember that a little protection can go a long way.

They've been around for a while – but not as long as we've needed them – their earliest use seems to have been in ancient Egypt. The earliest signs of European condom use date from cave paintings in France and some historians claim that the Romans made them from the muscle tissue of warriors they had defeated in battle.

Don't let that put you off! They are now an essential part of modern-day living and protect from sexually transmitted infections and unwanted pregnancies – they can even enhance love-making.

So here's how you put one on: first and foremost, make sure the penis is erect and also make sure you put it on before you get down to it rather then halfway through as fluids released from the penis during the early stages of an erection can contain sperm and organisms that can cause sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Check out the Clinic section of the main site for more information.

Before unrolling it, squeeze the teat at the end to release any trapped air and then roll it over the penis – make sure the roll is on the outside. While still squeezing the tip (of the condom – well, you never know) gently unroll the condom all the way down to the base of the penis.

Always make sure the condom stays in place during sex – if it rolls up, unroll it immediately and if it comes off, withdraw immediately and put another one on. After ejaculation, make sure that the penis and condom are withdrawn while the penis is still erect, holding the condom at the base of the penis to stop it slipping off.

Don't use the condom again and don't flush it down the low; just wrap it in a tissue and put it in the bin.

They come in all shapes and sizes and you can use different condoms for different occasions. Durex even have an Easy On range which is shaped like the penis and is more comfortable and easier to roll on. Although another shameless plug, it's also relevant and useful so here goes: visit the Products section of the main site to see a great range of what's available.

source : durex.com

VOLUNTARY EJACULATION

A few fortunate, and likely quite popular men, have learned to make ejaculation voluntary. This means they can last a long time and come when they want to. Most however ejaculate involuntarily—perhaps prematurely, that is, before they or their partner are ready for it.

Coming too soon may be due to a physical medical condition, but this is not common. Most men who ejaculate prematurely do so because of learned behavior and sexual beliefs, or because they haven’t discovered the simple techniques that can help them last.

In order to make ejaculation completely voluntary, a man must learn to do two things. First he must learn to keep his entire body relaxed regardless of how sexually aroused he becomes. Second he must learn to move the sexual charge that builds up during lovemaking away from his genitals and circulate that energy throughout his entire body.

Relaxation

Men usually tense their bodies as ejaculation approaches. This is a natural involuntary reflex, but by deliberately applying some of the following relaxation techniques you can become skilled at letting go and staying loose even at intense levels of sexual arousal.

Massage
Few things enable a man to be as profoundly relaxed as a loving erotic full-body massage. Women can help men get out of their heads and into their bodies by giving them a massage as a prelude to intercourse. Most men will notice a significant improvement in their ability to delay ejaculation after receiving a massage. Not only does massage help relax your body, it also opens up your flow of energy so that the sexual charge does not get stuck in your genitals.

Stop And Become Still Or Slow Down
Before you get to the point of no return, try slowing or stopping all movement. This usually works every time. Wait for the energy and excitement to subside and then you can resume active lovemaking.

Breathe Slowly And Deeply
As you come close to climax, switch your attention away from your genitals onto your breath. Take slow deep breaths that fill your entire lungs. Make your exhalation last about as long as your inhalation. Let your body go loose. Open your eyes and make eye contact with your partner. Try to breathe in rhythm together. Continue breathing in this deliberate way until your sexual energy has calmed down.

Avoid Stimulating The Frenulum
The frenulum is the bulge of loose skin just below the glans head on the underside of your penis. This spot is very easily excitable and can build the man too quickly to climax. Stay away from this spot to avoid involuntary ejaculation.

Squeezing The Glans
The glans of the penis is the big smooth head at the top of the penis shaft. When ejaculation is imminent you or your partner can squeeze the glans firmly and hold on tight. With the other hand use your thumb and index finger to press firmly on both sides of your penis at the base where the penis rises from the pubic bone. This effectively cuts off the neurological ejaculatory response from your brain to your prostate and will stop the ejaculation. This technique is easiest to use when your are being stimulated orally or manually. It also requires split second timing. Do not do it if ejaculation has already begun, it can be quite painful!

Three Finger Perineum Press
When you reach a point of high arousal and you know ejaculation is close, you or your partner can press on the perineum, the stretch of skin between your anus and scrotum. In preparation for using the technique during active intercourse, try touching this spot when an ejaculation starts and you will feel the vibrations of climax in your prostate gland. This is how you will know where to press. Notice where the vibrations are strongest - usually at about the midpoint on the perineum. To delay ejaculation, when you are at the point of no return but before the ejaculation has started, press firmly on this area of the perineum with the first three fingers of either hand. You can do this yourself or your partner can do it for you. Hold until the urge to ejaculate subsides.

MOVING YOUR SEXUAL ENERGY

Learning to circulate hot sexual energy is not really difficult, but it takes discipline and practice. Within a few days of trying some of the techniques mentioned below you’ll likely notice an improvement in your ability to delay ejaculation. Real sexual energy mastery, however, may take several months or even years. But unlike childhood piano lessons this is practice you’ll look forward to!

The PC Pump
PC stands for pubococcygeus muscle. Actually the PC muscle is a group of muscles that together make up the pelvic diaphragm which stretches from your pubic bone around to your tailbone. It includes muscles used in urination and bowel movements, muscles around your anus, testicles, penis, and perineum. Pumping the PC muscle is one of the easiest, simplest and fastest ways to learn to move energy and delay ejaculation. Pumping the PC muscle means squeezing or contracting the muscle and then allowing it to relax repeatedly. Alternately you can squeeze and then push out. You can do rapid pumps or long slow ones.

When you squeeze the PC muscle you pump the hot sexual energy up from your genitals and into the upper part of your body. This prevents the sexual energy from building up to involuntary ejaculation. If you can stay relaxed and move energy away from your prostate as fast as it builds up, you can delay ejaculation as long as you want. This is how Tantric lovers are able to extend active lovemaking for 6 or 8 hours or more. By the way, strengthening your PC muscle usually results in longer and stronger ejaculations when you do have them.

Add PC pumping to your fitness routine. Build up to several hundred squeezes per day over a two week period and eventually (if you are really keen) increase to 1000 or more per day. This might sound like a lot but you can do 100 PC squeezes in a few minutes. You don’t even need to find new time to do PC pumps—try them when you are standing in line, driving your car, hoisting a few at the bar.

Make Sound
As you get more and more excited make lots of sounds. You can moan, groan, yell, scream, chant, sing, growl and make animal noises. The louder and stronger the sounds you make the more that sound will carry your sexual energy with it, up and away from your genitals. A wonderful technique is to harmonize your chanting sounds with your lover. When you do this at the peak of sexual arousal the sounds you make together can be exquisitely beautiful.

Hand Movements
Moving your hands up your body, or having your partner move her hands up your body from your genitals to the top of your head, either on the front or back of your body, is an amazingly simple but effective way to move energy. You and your partner can do this repeatedly throughout the length of your lovemaking.

The Big Draw
You can alternate relaxing your body with a conscious full-body contraction—the Big Draw. Breathe very deeply and rapidly for about a minute when you are almost ready to come. Then hold your breath and clench every muscle in your body. Tighten you fists. Curl your toes. Grit your teeth. Tighten your buttocks, abdomen, arms, legs, chest, etc. If you are lying on your back (recommended for doing the Big Draw), push off from the surface with your buttocks and neck, while arching your back. This forces the hot sexual energy up and often leads to an explosive orgasm without any ejaculation. You may also experience altered states of consciousness with this very powerful technique.

LEARNING THROUGH MASTURBATION

Masturbation is an excellent way to become skilled at lasting a long time. Select a private, comfortable, safe place for your practice where you will not be interrupted. A wonderful variation is to have your partner watch you masturbate. In this way you can teach her exactly how you like to be touched and stimulated. But try it a few times alone before you put on a show for your lover.

Build your arousal to approximately 75% of the way to the point of no return. As you get better at it, you can go closer to 90% or more. The point of no return is that point at which ejaculation will become involuntary, when you’re likely to ejaculate within seconds, most certainly within minutes. Stop what you are doing. Use some of the techniques above for relaxation and energy movement and allow your excitement to subside. Your erection should also subside before you start again. This allows the old blood to move out of the penis taking with it waste products. When you start to re-build your arousal, fresh blood will engorge the penis giving you a new erection. This new blood carries with it a fresh supply of oxygen and hormones bringing strength, vitality and virility. Many men ejaculate simply because they do not allow their erection to diminish every 30-45 minutes—the penis becomes exhausted and involuntary ejaculation follows quickly.

Repeat this masturbation process of building to approximately 75% of your point of no return, then stop, rest, and build again, for any number of times. As you do this pay very careful attention to what is happening in your body. Notice how your body feels as you get closer and closer to orgasm. Notice that your body gives you signals about how close to ejaculation you are: heat and hardness of your erection, rapid breathing, muscular tension, and so on. In particular look for sensations in your genital area at the prostate gland. As your sexual energy builds in the prostate it is like a pressure cooker. When the pressure gets too high, smooth muscles go into involuntary spasm, forcing the ejaculation. If you pay attention you will certainly feel something in the prostate as you approach this point of involuntary ejaculation. As soon as you feel this sensation, instead of going on to complete the ejaculation, you are going to stop stimulating yourself and rest. Notice how your body feels as you relax and let the energy (and erection) subside. Once you become adept at recognizing this feeling in your prostate during self-pleasuring, you can also be alert to this feeling during lovemaking, including active intercourse with a partner.

OTHER TECHNIQUES FOR MASTERING EJACULATION

Positions
Change intercourse positions frequently. Experiment with various positions to find out if you can more easily delay ejaculation in some of them. There are an infinite variety of positions in the following categories: face to face, front to back, lying down, standing up, sitting, rear entry, and sideways. Some men report that it is easier for them to last longer during intercourse if the woman is on top. Also, face to face positions tend to be calmer, making it easier for the man to delay ejaculation, while rear entry positions tend to increase arousal very rapidly.

Communicate With Your Lover
You must communicate your state of arousal to your lover. If your arousal is cresting too rapidly ask her to change what she is doing, to stop what she is doing or to slow down. Give her very specific feedback on what you want and what you can stand. Be sure to do this in a loving, respectful and playful way! Some women believe that men aren’t happy with the lovemaking until they come. Let her know that you’re having a great time and want to keep on sharing your pleasure together.

Examine Your Beliefs And Assumptions About Sex And Women
Generally the more you like, respect and admire women the easier it will be to learn voluntary ejaculation. On the other hand, the more you dislike women the more difficult it will be. The simple reason for this is that you will be in a hurry when you have sex if you dislike women. Sex will tend to be a maintenance chore necessary for tension release.

With a subtle shift in the way you think, perhaps you can begin to make love instead of just having sex. Open yourself to giving and receiving pleasure rather than trying to perform. Open your heart. Allow yourself to love your partner and be loved by her. Allow yourself to feel emotions as well as physical pleasure. Quick ejaculation is one of the ways men use to deny themselves pleasure and to avoid intimacy. Extended, ecstatic lovemaking requires surrendering and being vulnerable to your partner. Many men find that when they can let go of the need to keep everything under control, including lovemaking, their ejaculation response becomes much more manageable. It is ironic that less repressive control of feelings means more “control” or mastery of ejaculation response.

SORE PROSTATE

If after practicing techniques for delaying ejaculation you experience a sore prostate or “blue balls”, this only means that the sexual energy is building up in your genitals faster than you can move it out. This is not dangerous, simply uncomfortable. You can relieve this discomfort immediately by ejaculating, which releases all the pressure. If the discomfort does not go away, this may mean you have a medical disorder, such as a urinary tract infection, and you should see your doctor.

Sexual Healing

Many survivors of sexual abuse suffer from a variety of sexual problems. Some develop a deep hatred for sex, which they see this as an invasion of themselves and their bodies by someone else. They would prefer never to be sexual again. There are others who disconnect their sexual urges from their emotional feelings and use sex as a way to blot out pain. They may prefer masturbation to having sex with another person because they are simply too uncomfortable with intimacy.

Sexual abuse is not only a betrayal of human trust and affection, but an attack on a person’s sexuality. Our sexuality is the most intimate, private aspect of who we are. Our sexuality has to do with how we feel about being male or female, and how comfortable we are with our body, our genitals, and our sexual thoughts, expressions, and relationships.

When a person has been sexually abused — whether s/he was seduced by a loved relative or was violently raped by a stranger – the person’s views and experiences of sexuality get affected by what happened. The good news is that a variety of effective healing techniques now exist to help survivors of sexual abuse to overcome the sexual repercussions caused by abuse.

The10 most common sexual symptoms of sexual abuse are:

Avoiding or being afraid of sex.

Approaching sex as an obligation.

Experiencing negative feelings such as anger, disgust, or guilt with touch.

Having difficulty becoming aroused or feeling sensation.

Feeling emotionally distant or not present during sex.

Experiencing intrusive or disturbing sexual thoughts and images.

Engaging in compulsive or inappropriate sexual behaviours.

Experiencing difficulty establishing or maintaining an intimate relationship.

Experiencing vaginal pain or orgasmic difficulties.

Experiencing erectile or ejaculatory difficulties.

What is sexual healing?
Sexual healing is an empowering process in which you reclaim your sexuality as both positive and pleasurable. It involves using special healing strategies and techniques to actively change sexual attitudes and behaviours, which resulted from the abuse. The process of sexual healing often includes: gaining a deeper understanding of what happened and how it influenced your sexuality, increasing your self-awareness, developing a positive sense of your sexuality, and learning new skills for experiencing touch and sexual sharing in safe; life-affirming ways.

Sexual healing can take several months to several years, or more, to accomplish. It is considered advanced recovery work and thus, best undertaken only after a survivor is in a stable and safe lifestyle and has addressed more general effects of sexual abuse, such as depression, anger, self-blame, and trust concerns.

There are different levels of sexual healing work that a survivor can pursue; from simply reading about recovery to engaging in a series of progressive exercises, called ‘relearning touch techniques’. These exercises provide opportunities to practice a new approach to intimate touch. While some survivors are able to progress in sexual healing on their own, others find it essential to enlist the guidance and support of a trained mental health practitioner. Professional care is recommended because of the high possibility that sexual healing will stir up traumatic memories and feelings.

You don’t need to be in a relationship to do sexual healing work. Some exercises are designed for single survivors. However, if you have a partner, your partner needs to become educated about the sexual repercussions of abuse and learn strategies for participating actively and effectively in the healing process.

Here are some ideas on how to get started in sexual healing:

Learn about healthy sexuality
A first step in sexual healing is to learn to distinguish abusive type sex from healthy sex. If you commonly use words like ‘bad’, ‘dirty’, ‘overwhelming’, ‘frightening’, ‘hurtful’ and ‘secretive’ to describe sex, you need to realise that these are descriptive of sexual abuse. ‘Healthy sexuality’ is something very different. It is characterised by choice, consent, equality, respect, honesty, trust, safety, intimacy, and sensual enjoyment. In the books that you read and the movies you watch, decrease your exposure to abusive sex images and increase your exposure to examples of sex in which partners are responsible and express love and caring for each other.

See yourself as separate from what was done to you
We are all born sexually innocent. Due to sexual abuse or subsequent sexual behaviour, you may erroneously believe that, sexually, you are bad, damaged goods, or merely a sexual object for someone else’s use. Let the past be past, and give yourself a healthy sexual future. You are not strapped to the negative labels an offender may have called you, or to the way you saw yourself as a result of the abuse. Now you have choice and can assert your true self with others. Old labels will disappear as you stop believing them and stop acting in ways that reinforce them.

Stop sexual behaviours that are part of the problem
You can’t build a new foundation for healthy sex until you have got rid of sexual behaviours that could undermine healing. Sexual behaviours that you will need to refrain from are: having sex when you don’t want to, unsafe and risky sex, extramarital affairs, promiscuous sex, violent / degrading sex, compulsive sex, and engaging in abusive sexual fantasies. It takes time to break old habits and learn how to channel sexual energy in ways that nurture the body as well as the soul.

Learn to handle automatic reactions to touch
Many survivors encounter unpleasant automatic reactions to touch and sex, such as: flashbacks of the abuse, fleeting thoughts of the offender, or strange reactions to something a sexual partner does or says during lovemaking. While these reactions are common, unavoidable, and even protective results of trauma, years later, they can get in the way of enjoying sex. By developing understanding and patience, you can learn to handle them effectively. When you experience an unwanted reaction to touching, stop and become more consciously aware of the reaction. Then calm your self physically with slow breathing, self-massage and relaxation techniques. As soon as you can, affirm your present reality by reminding yourself who you are now, and that you have many options. You may also want to alter the activity in some way to make it more comfortable. Automatic reactions will diminish over time as you become more aware and unresponsive to them.

You can repair the damage done to you in the past. You can look forward to a new surge of self-respect, personal contentment and emotional intimacy. For when you reclaim your sexuality, you reclaim yourself.

Foreplay Tips and Techniques

Foreplay is a fundamental part of the whole lovemaking experience. Most men and women experienced in sex will agree that the best sexual encounters should include long and sensual foreplay. A more attentive form of foreplay will bring increased pleasure to both partners, and make any sexual experience more satisfying.

Both partners need a little extra spice to get fully aroused and achieve maximum pleasure. The man may need to prolong foreplay to get an erection and the women will usually need the same to become properly lubricated. There is no such thing as spending too much time on foreplay. The trick is to start intercourse when both partners are fully aroused and having a hard time controlling their desires from foreplay.

Foreplay includes a range of activities such as undressing, kissing, petting, and oral sex; but you can add your own thoughts to the list. Sensitive foreplay is so important to good sex because it will help both partners enjoy sexual intercourse more, and it will especially help women reach orgasm more often. Most woman need prolonged stimulation in order to reach a complete arousal, and foreplay will provide them with the required encouragement.

There is no such thing as the definitive foreplay; it is not about pressing the right buttons in the right order. It is about understanding what makes your partner tick and supplying those things that make the experience exceptionally pleasurable. There are many ways to give your partner extreme pleasure, and it all begins in the brain. Compliment their appearance or other attributes, especially if they have a low confidence level; show them that you care about them and what they enjoy.

Creating the right environment for sexual intercourse is all about paying attention to the details, which is especially important at mature stages in the relationship. For example, make sure the room is warm, the lighting subdued, and the appropriate music is playing. Once the mood is right, take the time to undress each other slowly, because the act of removing your partner's clothes can be an important part of successful foreplay. Many find that undressing increases the eroticism - stimulating and intensifying the feeling.

During foreplay, go slow; begin by kissing and caressing. A kiss is usually the first physical expression of love and desire, but it is also often forgotten during sexual intercourse. During intercourse, kiss the different parts of your partner’s body, and don’t be restricted solely to the mouth. Most women complain that their partners don't kiss long enough and rush the movement directly to the genital area. Don't be shy to experiment on every part of the body (for example, many women enjoy particular kissing and nibbling attention to the neck and shoulders), and remember to prolong the foreplay with more kissing and caressing.

Another reason foreplay is important is for the learning experience. Foreplay is the perfect time to spend time understanding what your partner likes because without that, you will never understand what they really need to be fully stimulated. Don't be shy; ask for feedback and also give your own. Both partners gain from good communication during foreplay and lovemaking. If words fail you, either SHOW or GUIDE your partner in the direction you want, and encourage them to do the same.

Remember that only by communication can we understand what is required to improve, and that practice makes perfect!

10 Sex Tips for a Magical Wedding Night

How to make sex on your wedding night unforgettable

There's a general national myth about wedding nights; supposedly, every bride and groom have the most intimate and wonderful sex of their lives on their wedding nights. In reality, while your wedding night may be a little different, it is an intimate moment, and an opportunity. Here are ten tips that can help make your wedding night one of the best evenings of your life.

1. Take things slowly
   Savor this moment. While you may be a little too tired to have the most technically excellent sex of your lives, this is likely to be among your most romantic and intimate sexual experiences.
   
   
2. Lower your expectations
   So this may not be the most amazing sex you've ever had. So what? Try to just enjoy whatever happens.
   
   
3. Read some sex books
   Who couldn't use a little advice from the experts? Some to try: The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex, Sex Tips for Straight Women from a Gay Man and Lesbian Sex Secrets for Men.
   
   
4. Talk to each other
   Spend some time relaxing, talking about the wedding, and about your love for each other. Let things get romantic and sappy. The sex that follows will be intimate and amazing.
   
   
5. Expand your idea of the "wedding night"
   If you're too tired for foreplay, that sex isn't going to be so great. Couldn't it be better to wait until the morning?
   
   
6. Flirt with each other during the wedding
   It can be easy to spend the whole wedding greeting Aunt Sally and Cousin Bob, cutting the cake, and attending to a thousand other details. Don't forget to stop, stare into each other's eyes, share a few extra kisses, and flirt with each other. It will also help build the excitement for your alone time later.
   
7. Don't have sex with each other for a couple of weeks before the wedding
   Many couples try this to make the wedding night sex fresh and new again. Others go even further by giving up sex months before the wedding so that they may be virgin-like on the wedding night.
   
   
8. Try something new
   Perhaps there's been something you've been wanting to try? Your wedding night can be a fun night to experiment,
   
   
9. Wear something special
   Wedding night lingerie can really help the mood. Pick something a little different than what you usually wear to excite your partner. Make sure you feel confident in it, as a confident lover is almost always a better lover.
   
   
10. Set the stage
    Help yourselves get into the mood by setting the stage. Light some candles, bring some CDs and a radio, scatter rosepetals, or do whatever helps you get in the mood. And don't be afraid to kick friends and family out early. While they may tease you a little, they'll certainly understand!

It's also a good idea to accept the fact that you may be too exhausted or tipsy to have sex. If one of you falls asleep, or isn't in the mood, remember, it's not a prediction of a doomed marriage. Spend the time relaxing and remembering how wonderful your wedding day was. And, if you'll be a virgin on your wedding night, don't forget to read Sex Tips for Virgins on Their Wedding Night

How to Make Her Really Want You

What man wouldn't be thrilled by the idea of an attractive woman being filled with strong desire for you? As long as you are not talking about underage participants then a WOMAN pursuing a man is okay in my book (Ok, as long as it is asked for).

In fact, I highly recommend promoting this act of passionate discourse. How? How do you get a woman to want to rape you�jump your bones� attack the sack? You must first understand that women are a sensitive breed and they trust their instincts. So you must appeal to a woman's instincts and by that you must appeal to her SENSES.


Sense Sational

It is amazing how much key information you readers amass here for free. My only hope is that our efforts here are not in vain. If you read and don't try (apply) then you will never fully comprehend how simple attracting the opposite sex can be by simply following patterns, paying attention to "them" and repeating your efforts under the "numbers game" theorem.

A woman only has five (5) senses. You have 5 opportunities to turn her on and appeal to her. You must not worry about what you don't own or what you do for a living. Real women WANT to be turned on and your social status will have little to do with it in a one-on-one conversation. When you have an opportunity to have that 1-on-1 then don't waste it on bad jokes or bad breath. Make the most of it and know that over that next few minutes all of her 5 senses are hard at work checking you out.

1) Sight - If you look good you feel good and if you feel good you look good. That means that what you wear is as important as how you carry yourself. If you have a crappy outfit on but are smiling and happy and affable to all then she will see less of your exterior and see more of your interior. This is not to say you should not be apparel conscience because your apparel should "appeal" as well. Women are fashion savvy so just remember when it comes to dress, "don't set trends and don't break rules" and SMILE A LOT.

2) Smell - Lift your arm up right now and smell your armpit and your hands. Do your hands and pits smell like yesterday? Cologne and aftershave are "personal" choices. Choose fragrances that flatter your natural smell and most importantly: A women should only smell your cologne if you are within "handshake" distance from her - any farther and you reek. Now lick the back of your hand three times - if you do this you can smell what your own breath smells like. Also, "pheromones" are essential to attraction so if you stink like cologne she might not pick yours up. Less is more.

3) Hear - How you speak to a female is so very important. First and foremost if SHE is talking then you are golden. She will hear that you are interested in her by what you ASK HER or talk about. Smile often and look her in the eye so she thinks you are sitting on every word. When she asks you a question or finishes her own answer then immediately ask her another question about herself. People like to talk about themselves. She will take your good listening behavior as a turn on because you appear interested in HER. When you do speak - now it is important to appeal to HER HEARING. Speak clearly, not loudly, use soft tones when possible and shorten your stories to the most interesting points. Don't be afraid to paint pictures that are suggestive. Instead of telling a story of you going "swimming" tell a story of you going "skinny dipping". That "sounds" sexier.

4) Touch - Everybody has their own "bubble" and when a female does not know you yet she does not want you in hers. However, if you look and smell good and are a good listener then by this point it is safe to say she is a little more comfortable now. "Handshake length" is how close you should stand or sit next to a woman you have NOT been intimate with yet. You sit close enough for her to see, smell and hear you but you sit this close so if she decided to touch you then she could with ease. If you two are chatting in a bar etc. then you should only touch her on the arm and only when making a point in your story or if you two share a laugh. She might do the same. If she is walking in front of you then when you open a door for her only touch her on the lower back. These show "respect" in touching and lets her know you want HER in YOUR bubble.

5) Taste - You are thinking how I can get a girl with my taste buds. Well, I just told you in the last 4 paragraphs. You see "manners and etiquette" fall under the taste umbrella. If you are in the presence of a female that is interested in you and you follow the last four paragraphs then TASTE will be the topper. Tease her. Your polite, mannered behavior will tease her because now she is in front of a well dressed, well spoken, sweet smelling, non invasive male who is a good listener. At this point - if she is really interested - make her wait - tease her as long as you can because my friend she wants to rape you.

Wow, did we really get there that fast? Is it really that simple? We just have to smell good, listen well and be confident? Women will jump our bones if we listen to their stories and excite their olfactory? Yes, yes and yes again. The truth in this formula is that when you "excite" a sense you in fact turn it on. The more senses of a female that you can "turn on" the harder it will be to turn her off. She will feel, smell and see all of your strong traits that she likes and will embrace them literally. So when she bum rushes past "handshake length" to rape you make sure you show good taste and thank her.

The Right Sex Position

Here�s the deal: As long as men are obsessed with their erections and getting to intercourse with a woman as quickly as possible, while women are obsessed with their poor self body image and too frightened to tell their male partner what they need to happen in order for them to orgasm, both sexes will continue to be greatly frustrated with each other and sex in general.

So here�s a challenge I�d like to throw down to every male reader. I�d like each and every one of you to step back from your obsession with intercourse and instead focus that energy on learning all you can about the female sexual response for a solid three months.

My challenge for our female readers? Twofold � first I want you to learn all you can about just what it takes to get you to orgasm in the first place, and then I want you to find the courage to share this information with you male partner � for a solid three months.

If each of you reading this column would actually take the challenge seriously it would mean that by spring we�d have thousands of men and women far more sexually savvy and better prepared to enjoy their sex lives. Imagine the happiness and stress relief! And we�ve made it easy for you by having at least a month�s worth of great ideas for improving your sex life right here on this site (if not more).

So what has this challenge to do with the right sexual positions? Absolutely everything. Remember, a huge majority of women never orgasm from intercourse, and of those who do, very few are able to each and every time. This information, rather than galvanizing the sexes to get down to business and figure out a better way, has instead helped to make men selfish during sex, thinking more of their own �performance and stamina� rather than their partner�s enjoyment.

Think about it men, how often would you want to have intercourse if the following happened just about each and every time you participated in it:

1. You never reach orgasm from it.

2. Just when you were starting to feel something your partner felt the need to twist into a new position, or had her orgasm so things came to a screeching halt.

3. Rather than feeling pleasure from intercourse your partner insisted on positions that made intercourse uncomfortable or painful for you.

Sounds pretty dreadful doesn�t it? Welcome, my dear men, to the sexual world many women live in. Now of course it�s not all men�s fault. Nope. This whole charade of women lying about having an orgasm when they haven�t has got to stop pronto. What starts out innocently enough out of fear of harming a man�s ego, ends up being the very thing that keeps real sexual connection from happening. So too does the habit many women have of automatically putting the responsibility for their orgasms into the hands of their male partners � without sharing crucial information with their partners about what she needs in order to make them happen.

Everyone, you see, is responsible.

So back to the right sexual position, and exactly what that means. The right sexual position is one that allows the woman enough direct clitoral stimulation to reach an orgasm while at the same time keeping the man in enough comfort and stimulation (but not too much) to keep going until this can be accomplished. Since each and everyone of us is unique, however, there isn�t a �magic� position that works for everyone. Also, it�s important to get the idea out of your head that using your hands for clitoral stimulation is cheating. For many women there just isn�t any other way � but whose hands to use (of course) is up to you. Personally I think mixing it up is a good idea.

To make life easier for everyone I highly recommend (especially in the beginning when you�re still learning what works) that the woman either have already had an orgasm via oral sex before starting intercourse, or that she be very close to coming. Why via oral sex? Because it�s the softest way. The action of a man�s tongue isn�t going to make her sore, which you want to avoid at all costs. Also, many women need a good twenty minutes or more of direct stimulation before achieving the first orgasm, but a second orgasm usually happens far more quickly.

Many positions only need a slight variations in order to become one that a woman will find satisfying. I know many men are obsessed with �doggy style� since it�s a position they see so often in porn but remember guys, porn isn�t real sex � it�s entertainment. Doggy style is a position that�s all about entertainment because it allows the viewer to see as much as possible. This position doesn�t do much to stimulate the first third of the vagina (the most sensitive section) for most women, however, but if the man stimulates the woman�s clitoris at the same time what use to be something a woman did because it thrilled her man, can instead become a position pleasurable for both.

However, I do need to mention that the deep style thrusting that �doggy style� allows is just too deep for many women. They complain of the jarring pain of a penis hitting their cervix (note, this isn�t all women, so you need to ask), and that they feel like a �masturbation machine� for their partner because the position�s lack of intimacy. If this is something you�ve felt, or your lover has complained about, why not try a variation? Why not try entering a woman from behind while you�re both on your knees? To steam it up you can face a large mirror so that you both get a good view of exactly what�s happening. In order for the man to get the right thrusting action going to keep his erection the woman may need to lean forward a bit onto the mirror, however, this still means the man�s hands are free to stimulate the woman.

The main thing to keep in mind is that that it may take awhile to find the right position that works for both of you. Many women feel too exposed when they�re on top and a man�s laying flat. Things start to fall apart when women become self conscious, so why not have the man sit up leaning against a stack of pillows so that it�s easy to continue kissing, whispering, etc? Also, any caressing or stimulating he does with his hands of the nether regions of her pelvic floor are going to aid in her sexual arousal as well�

Increase Male Libido

Increase Male Libido - Don't Think Testosterone Think Nitric Oxide
Many men who want to increase their libido think that they need to increase their testosterone, but in most cases they don’t need to they need to ensure their getting enough Nitric Oxide.

If you don’t know why nitric oxide is so important in increasing libido, read on and find out.

The Critical Role of Nitric Oxide

Without sufficient nitric oxide production you will not be able to get an erection, even if you have sufficient testosterone. Let’s look at the key role that nitric oxide plays in increasing male libido and the erection process. The erection process starts with sensory stimulation in the brain.

These impulses are then transmitted to the nervous system, which then sees the release of nitric oxide take place. The penis muscles relax, allowing blood to flow into the spongy tissue of the penis and ensure enough blood enters to create an erection.

Nitric Oxide declines naturally as we age.

Men as they get older turn to Viagra and testosterone boosting supplements, when the real need may simply be to boost nitric oxide levels.

Getting It Naturally

L- Arginine natures Viagra

The above is defined as a non essential amino acid and is necessary for normal functioning of the pituitary gland, production decreases with age affecting sex drive. In 1988 researchers discovered that L-arginine's overall health benefits were due primarily to its role in the production of nitric oxide.

L-arginine stimulates the release of nitric oxide from the walls of blood vessels, improving circulation and allows blood to flow to the genital area during sexual stimulation.

L-arginine has been proven in clinical testing to relax the muscle walls of the arteries and increase blood flow to the penis.A study in 1994 showed an 80% improvement in erections of men given 2.8 grams of argentine a day, after they had taken the supplement for two weeks.

There are other supplements that are also believed to help in the production of nitric oxide and they include: Horny goat weed, ginseng and Gingko Bilbao, which have been used in China for thousands of years to treat men with erectile dysfunction.

A Natural alternative

Of course, there are many inputs that go into the strength of the male sex drive, but looking at nitric oxide first and increasing levels with the above supplements will do no harm and will improve your overall sex and circulatory health.

For men who are generally in good health and are suffering simply from flagging libido, the above supplements are clinically proven to help increase libido, increase sexual satisfaction and provide stronger erections.

So, if your sex drive is flagging don’t think testosterone think nitric oxide first.

5 Tips For Improving Your Sex Skills

Today we are going to learn the simple yet highly effective ways of having highly enhanced and long lasting sex.
1. Exercise Turning On and Off This tip is for men. I want you to exercise a skill which is useful for exponentially increasing your success in sexual performance. Females get turned on when they can not predict what your next move is going to be? Kiss their lips a bit then sit back. Allow them to ask for more. Caress them and suddenly move to kiss their neck a thousand times. Then again watch them straight in their eyes.It gives them a feeling of a natural progression from initial kiss to foreplay and finally the climax.
2. Eye Contact Most of the men are guilty of not having enough eye contact with the woman they are making love to. Women love to have their male counterparts coming closer and looking straight into their eyes while nibbling their breasts or kissing their lips very delicately. Remember. The key here is to experience the most fantastic gift that God has given to mankind. What better way than to see it all. And above all eyes speak a lot than words do.
3. Every time use a new prop To kill monotonous sexual practice you need to have a different prop every time.
It could be:
1.) Scented oil for massaging.
2.) Chocolate.
3.) Vibrator.
4.) Scarf.
And the list goes on...Use the entire place available in the room. One cool place could be the floor. Spice up your sex life with a different and pleasing prop.
4. Talk to her slowly in her ears The most sensuous organ according to me is the ear. Women love when men kiss and move their finger tips on their ear lobes. Notice the goose bumps that they get and mention that slowly in their ears. Tell them slowly what you are going to do next. This creates anticipation. For example: If you are going to kiss their tits. Mention it to them and then slowly do it. They would enjoy it.
5. Use Finger tips Men should use their finger tips for moving all along your partner's divine body. Caress them .Slowly move your fingers from the shoulder to the back of their neck and on their back side while kissing them. Curl your fingers around their breasts and just move the finger tips on their lips to feel them.Women would hold you tight once they get aroused by these movements.
These are initial ways of arousal.

The Problems Of High Blood Pressure And Sex

Most people who are suffering from high blood pressure experience little if any symptoms at all, but the effect which this condition can have on your sex life if often significant and signs of sexual difficulty can sound a warning bell.

The effect of high blood pressure is to damage the lining of your blood vessels and to cause hardening of your arteries so that your heart is forced to work harder to pump blood around your body. This in turn raises the pressure in your arteries. In addition, the damage to your arteries results in a general reduction in the flow of blood throughout your body.

As far as men are concerned this general reduction in blood flow also means a reduced flow of blood to the penis and difficulty in both achieving and maintaining an erection. It also means that, even when you can achieve and maintain an erection, high blood pressure can create problems with ejaculation.

For the majority of men the appearance of the first signs of sexual dysfunction is very worrying and concern that, having happened for the first time, the problem might well re-appear. This leads some men to avoid sex so that not only does the event cause them distress, but it also often generates problems in their relationship with their sexual partner.

In the case of women the effect of high blood pressure is not as clearly defined and, at this time, has not been well researched. We do know however that high blood pressure causes a lower flow of blood to the vagina, leading to lower sexual desire and arousal, vaginal dryness and problems in achieving orgasm.

As with men, most women find this event very worrying and will again shy away from sex, putting their relationship with their sexual partner under strain.

The news in not all bad though and today there are a number of things which can be done to solve the problem, including getting your doctor to prescribe suitable medication. The first step in the process therefore if high blood pressure in causing problems in your sex life is to consult your doctor.

Spot the first sign of high blood pressure and find the best home blood pressure monitor.

Article Source: http://www.ArticleBiz.com

Erotic Communication

Most of us know that communication is essential to great sex, but our words can also be used as a powerful aphrodisiac. Erotic communication enhances our sexual pleasure, connects us more deeply with our lover and increases our passion. Erotic communication is not something that we should do just during the act of lovemaking; it is something we want to incorporate into part of our daily routine. The right erotic words at the right time can build a burning inferno, make your lover weak and breathless and enhance your orgasms immensely.

We can begin with little sensual, loving, erotic statements throughout the day where we tell our lover things such as:
“You felt wonderful last night.”
“You have a gorgeous ass.”
“I love your body.”
“You’re really important to me.”
“You are so sexy and make me so excited.”
“You’re lips taste so good.”
“You feel so good in my arms.”

By communicating with our lover in this way on a regular and frequent basis, we keep the flow of passion going and increase our intimacy.

To build that level of passion to a higher level we can call our lover at work and tell them either in person or on their voice mail:
“Hey baby, tonight when you get home I can’t wait to run my tongue up and down the length of your shaft. I’m thinking about you. See you tonight.”
Or “Hello sweetheart just wanted to let you know I’m not wearing any panties and my pussy is so hot and wet. See you tonight.”

Or as your lover is on the way out the door kiss them and tell them what delicious things you will be doing to their body when you see them again.

By planting these little erotic messages in their head it stays with them when they are away and they fantasize about it and then desires and passion mount and when you are together again it enhances your sexual experience together.

As we approach the act of lovemaking and during the act there are numerous words we can use to increase excitement, express our feelings and enhance our pleasure. We can tell our lover how much we want them, how attractive they are and how much we enjoy them. Phrases such as these can be very effective:
“You feel so good.”
“You feel so fucking good.”
“It turns me on when you lick me like that.”
“I want you so bad.”
“I want your cock inside me now.”
“I love you.”
“You’re a fantastic lover.”

Let your lover know how much you enjoy his penis or her vagina and how great it is.
“Oh baby, your cock feels so good.”
“Oh sweetheart your pussy is so beautiful.”
Whatever it is you are feeling, tell them. It will drive them wild.

We can also use erotic communication to guide our lover to satisfy us more fully. To let them know what we want, what we like and what feels good, try some phrases like these: “Oh honey, that feels so good when you lick my nipples, but it would feel even better if you did it like this,” and then show them what you want. Or, “That really feels great baby, but I would really love it if you would move your hand a little faster or slower,” whatever the case may be. “Oh that feels fantastic, but can you touch me here” and guide your lover’s hand where you need to be touched.

After sex we can use erotic words to complete the act, to leave each other satisfied and to enhance intimacy and closeness.
“That was great sweetheart, I particularly liked it when you did …..”
“Oh, sweetheart you are such a fantastic lover.”
“Oh I love to make love with you or I love to fuck you,” whatever you’re in the mood for.

We can also use erotic moans, groans, ooohs, ahs, and yes’s. These can be just as arousing as words themselves. They will give cues to your lover as to what you are enjoying. It is likewise a big turn on for your man to hear you make moans of pleasure when giving him oral. He loves to hear how much you enjoy him.

An important factor in erotic communication is for each partner to know what words turn them on and to communicate this to the other. There are different styles of language for different people and what is erotic and stimulating for one can be a turn off for another. One person may want to hear this: “I want to make love with you” and another person may want to hear “I want to fuck you,” or another person may want to hear “I want you so bad.” Or the same person may want to hear all these different statements depending on what they are in the mood for at that particular time. Sometimes we want to make love and other times we want to fuck.

So it is very important to know and respect your lover’s style and to let your lover know yours. Tell your lover what you want and ask them what they want to hear. Tell your lover to tell you: “ Oh baby your pussy tastes so good” or “I love your pussy.” If a particular word is offensive to you then inform your lover of that. For instance, I am offended by the word “cunt,” it is a total turn off for me. If that word or any other word is offensive to you, then you need to let your lover know or it will interrupt your eroticism. If your lover enjoys words that are not erotic for you, then you should discuss this outside the bedroom and find mutually arousing words or you could agree on taking turns on saying what the other one wants to hear.

If this is a new behavior for you, it may feel awkward at first, but with practice you will become more comfortable. You can try saying these words and statements when you are alone, out loud, to begin the process. Sometimes we may have negative associations with certain words and it may take some time to associate the words with something positive.

Learn to caress your lover with words and the passion and desire between you will be blazing.

Safe sex

Safe sex tips: How you can prevent

getting or passing-on HIV and other STDs

Using condoms during anal and vaginal sex will stop most types of STD. Use latex condoms and water-soluble lube, and squeeze out air from the tip of the condom. There are also non-latex alternatives available, but if you use lambskin, cover it with a latex condom. Pulling out before you come might guard against infection if the condom breaks during intercourse.

If the condom breaks, urinating immediately after sex and washing your penis with soap and water may help prevent urethral infections, although this method is not very reliable.

During oral sex, don’t get semen, blood or vaginal fluid in your mouth, since there is a risk (low) of picking up HIV and hepatitis B this way. Using a condom prevents spreading HIV and other STDs from oral sex.

It is also advisable not to perform oral sex within two hours of flossing or brushing your teeth, since these activities could cause cuts in the gums, providing entry points for HIV.

Similarly, you should be careful after recent dental surgery, or if you have problems with bleeding gums or other sores in your mouth. If you’re worried because someone has performed oral sex on you, washing and urinating may help, as noted above.

Performing oral sex may also expose you to hepatitis A and parasites. The virus can be present anywhere in the anal area or on fingers which have touched the anus of an infected person.

Rimming is risky for the person doing the rimming, since it may expose them to parasites and hepatitis A. You and your partners should wash the anal area thoroughly, before engaging in any oral contact near the anus. Douching is not a good idea, since it can damage the anal canal and drive infections further in.

Sex toys can pass on parasites, hepatitis A, HIV and a number of other STDs. Cover sex toys with condoms, or wash them carefully with bleach and rinse well before and after using. Keep in mind that the lining of the anus is easily damaged by fists, dildos and other sex toys, so precautions should be taken.

Routine testing is very important for people who have casual sex. You can pick up a number of STDs without having symptoms, so testing may be your only way of knowing whether or not you’re infected.

If you have casual sex, get a syphilis blood test at least once a year, depending on how many different partners you have had, and whether or not you had unprotected sex. You may also need urethral, anal and throat swabs for gonorrhea and chlamydia, depending on what sexual activities you engage in.

Get an HIV blood test, to find out if you’ve been infected with HIV. Don’t assume you’re negative because you feel well, or because you haven’t had unsafe sex for a long time. Also, don’t assume that your sexual partners are HIV negative. Keep in mind that there is now a lot you can do to stay well, if you test positive. Don’t wait until it’s too late.

Consider getting vaccinated for hepatitis A and hepatitis B, if you are at risk (i.e. multiple sexual partners, or sharing needles).

Inform your sexual partner(s) if you have an STD. Speak to a nurse or counsellor first to decide whom you need to inform.

Do notdonate blood, semen or organs, unless you know you have never been infected with HIV, hepatitis or syphilis.

Hassle Free Clinic · 66 Gerrard Street East · 2nd Floor · Toronto · Ontario · Page updated: 17 August 2002